Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why You're Not Married

I came across the blog entry "Why You're Not Married" (see link below)  from writer Tracy McMillan while scanning HuffPost. After reading it through the first time, I thought it was a little harsh. I changed my mind after reading it through for the second time. Pay close attention to #4 of her reasons for why you're not married. I had to admit that I have been guilty of this.

I reconnected with an old love and over the course of a couple years we rekinlded our friendship and dated from time to time. I hoped this was a second chance, a renewed opportunity, more than coincidence, divine intervention....anyway. Last year things heated up. I believed everything he said. It felt so real, so genuine. The time we spent together (quality time) was a chance for me to learn more about him and I liked what I saw. He said the right things, was doing the right things and I thought I was too. In a 12 hour period everything changed. He made an accusation about something I'd done without telling me what it was. He refused to discuss it. For me everything was different. I felt as if I had been treated like a child and put on punishment. If we continued, was this something that would become a characterisitc of our relationship. Hmm, not really what you want. So, I backed off and we never got back to where we were - at least not in my mind. I later discovered for him the entire incident was no big deal. He checked out for a bit until he felt the coast was clear and reappeared from time to time in the form of text messages. A couple months after not seeing one another we had a chance meeting. He asked me to stop by. I saw no harm and did. I won't tell you what he offered after I arrived, but let's say my response was negative. After further thought, I realized that he'd been clumsy in his approach and that I'd been reactionary in my response. I missed an opportunity to tell him face to face what I wanted for us. Another of the mis-steps, mis-communications and missed opportunities that characterized our relationship. Why did this keep happening? That brings me back to #4. I was a liar. I had never told him explicitly what I wanted. I had hinted at it, danced around it and referenced it, but never just put it out there. Finally, I did.

I've not spoken to him since. Well, there was one text message to say miss you and one from me saying thinking of you, but he didn't even respond to my declaration to say you're not what I want. I was sad, disappointed and all the other things that come with rejection. On the other hand, I felt as if a weight had been lifted because I told the truth. The lesson I learned and hopefully some of you will too is that you've got to speak your authentic truth. If not, you'll never get what you want, never find someone who truly wants you and spend your time lingering where there's no future.
in reference to: Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married (view on Google Sidewiki)

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