Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why You're Not Married

I came across the blog entry "Why You're Not Married" (see link below)  from writer Tracy McMillan while scanning HuffPost. After reading it through the first time, I thought it was a little harsh. I changed my mind after reading it through for the second time. Pay close attention to #4 of her reasons for why you're not married. I had to admit that I have been guilty of this.

I reconnected with an old love and over the course of a couple years we rekinlded our friendship and dated from time to time. I hoped this was a second chance, a renewed opportunity, more than coincidence, divine intervention....anyway. Last year things heated up. I believed everything he said. It felt so real, so genuine. The time we spent together (quality time) was a chance for me to learn more about him and I liked what I saw. He said the right things, was doing the right things and I thought I was too. In a 12 hour period everything changed. He made an accusation about something I'd done without telling me what it was. He refused to discuss it. For me everything was different. I felt as if I had been treated like a child and put on punishment. If we continued, was this something that would become a characterisitc of our relationship. Hmm, not really what you want. So, I backed off and we never got back to where we were - at least not in my mind. I later discovered for him the entire incident was no big deal. He checked out for a bit until he felt the coast was clear and reappeared from time to time in the form of text messages. A couple months after not seeing one another we had a chance meeting. He asked me to stop by. I saw no harm and did. I won't tell you what he offered after I arrived, but let's say my response was negative. After further thought, I realized that he'd been clumsy in his approach and that I'd been reactionary in my response. I missed an opportunity to tell him face to face what I wanted for us. Another of the mis-steps, mis-communications and missed opportunities that characterized our relationship. Why did this keep happening? That brings me back to #4. I was a liar. I had never told him explicitly what I wanted. I had hinted at it, danced around it and referenced it, but never just put it out there. Finally, I did.

I've not spoken to him since. Well, there was one text message to say miss you and one from me saying thinking of you, but he didn't even respond to my declaration to say you're not what I want. I was sad, disappointed and all the other things that come with rejection. On the other hand, I felt as if a weight had been lifted because I told the truth. The lesson I learned and hopefully some of you will too is that you've got to speak your authentic truth. If not, you'll never get what you want, never find someone who truly wants you and spend your time lingering where there's no future.
in reference to: Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married (view on Google Sidewiki)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Activate Our Love

Tell me you love me, translate it into action and maintain it! Wonderful guidance for transforming love from a noun into a verb.
in reference to: Impact Church - Doing Church Differently - Live (view on Google Sidewiki)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Getting Intentional

Before setting off on this journey of 18 months to the altar, I knew two things had to happen.  First, I would need a solid spiritual foundation.  Second, I knew I would have to act with intention and not give in to my fears, doubts and insecurities.  I'm no religious zealot, but I do attend church services regularly and am aware there is something greater than myself.  Still, I have to admit to a great deal of relying on my own understanding in  life.  I've been successful, but was I living abundantly as I've been told God wants me to.  I don't think so.  One of the best examples of this is my desire for marriage with not the perfect person, but the person perfect for me.  I've been involved with some really great guys, but in the long run they weren't great for me.  Congrats to the young ladies who are lucky enough to snag the two I'm thinking of.  Anyway, I'm think I'm finally starting to grasp the concept of surrendering to God.  I received a devotional in my in-box with the title The Most Important Part of Your Day.  The article explains the most important part of the day is alone time with God.  Subsequent devotionals included a template for that quiet time based on the Lord's Prayer. I must tell you, these seven devotionals have transformed my prayer life and the way I am approaching not only my journey to the altar in 18 months, but life in general.

Once I was able to make a spiritual leap, it was time to take another leap.  It was time to announce my intent to the world.  Well, not the entire world but trusted friends and people I thought would "get it."  Below is the email I sent to get the party started:

Friends, this month I completed my Vision Board as a road map designed to provide visual inspiration and guidance to accompany my efforts to achieve a variety of goals and objectives and even manifest some dreams.  My vision board includes the obvious - serious efforts toward achieving financial security, a greater spiritual life, improved organization and time management, graduation and a great new job that I'm passionate about and more opportunity to travel the world.  Here is where I need your help.  I have decided I'm getting married in 18 months.  The kicker is, I don't know who he is, yet.  Still  I'm prayerful and have a vision.  While vision and prayer are great, there isn't much progress without action.  I'm interested in meeting any eligible men that you know who are great people.  I don't have a specific type, but will say this.  If you were single or looking, would you date him? Would you introduce him to your sister?  Does he have a great spirit and engaging personality?  Also, while I'm not looking for a super-model, I do want some chemistry.  I'm not dead yet and am not looking for a rocking chair companion (you get my point). 

I know this may seem a bit unconventional, but with limited time associated with work, school and all the other things I can't seem to say no to doing, I thought this might be a way to get the ball rolling.  So, if you have some suggestions or opportunities I'm open.  Let me know.  Appreciate your help!

I got a wonderful response to this email.  Not only did I receive a great deal of encouragement, I received suggestions for calling to me guardian angels and co-conspirators on this journey.  One of the most powerful suggestions was to write a letter to the guardian angels of my soul mate.  While writing this letter I poured out my heart and listed the qualities I wanted in a partner.  It was cathartic putting down on paper my authentic truth.  I was honest with myself about a lot of "stuff."  Some of you might find this a growing and freeing experience as well no matter if you're single or in a relationship.

I know you're ready for me to get to the good stuff!  Dates!  I do have something to report, but I'll save that for next Monday.  In the meantime, check out the links below for the devotionals I mentioned.  Later in the week, I'll  share with you the instructions and an example of the letter to the guardian angels of my soul mate.

The Most Important Part of Your Day
Start the Day Remembering Who God Is
Quiet Time Requires Surrender
Quiet Time Requires Trust
Quiet Time Requires Forgiveness
Quiet Time Requires Protection
Quiet Time Requires Victory

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Debunking the myths about singles...

Some great information for us singles who are dating or looking to get married. I would like to see more specific information about other races and ethnicities, but this is good general information that can help us step out of our comfort zone.

in reference to: 6 new myth-busting rules for singles (view on Google Sidewiki)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Visual Manifestations of Dreams, Goals and Desires

In my last post I referenced my vision board.  I've received some emails and tweets asking exactly what is a vision board and what does it look like.  It's a little hard to explain without actually seeing one.  So, I am sharing some pics of my vision board as well as some links that might assist any of you who would like to engage in some dream manifestation and give visual life to your goals, desires and wants.

For me this was a very empowering exercise.  Not only did I start this with some specific goals in mind, but some new and unknown dreams and desires emerged such as my wanting to be married in 18 months.  I have learned that acting with intentionality (a future blog topic), speaking authentic truth and changing my attitude makes things happen.  So be prepared for the universe to conspire with you as you follow your path.

Using my vision board, verbal and written communication and technology I have revealed my intent to make it to the altar in 18 months.  I was overwhelmed by the positive responses I received as well as the support.  Don't be scared or hesitate to speak your intent into existence or share it with those who have great spirits and just "get it." They will become your guardian angels and co-conspirators in your journey to the altar or anywhere else your dreams, wants and desires are leading you.

Here are some links that I found helpful when deciding to undertake this project.

How to Make a Vision Board

How to Use a Vision Board to Activate the Law of Attraction

Monday, February 7, 2011

Vision Board 2011

XWZGT8J4TTMQ This is my first foray into blogging.  I'm sure to do some things wrong and some things right. Also, I'm a little anxious about this. I debated taking this step because the subject of this blog is highly personal - at least it is for me.  You see, I've decided to get married in 18 months.  The kicker is that I don't yet  know the groom.  I'm stepping out on faith here. 

I'm sure you're wondering how I got here.  Well, it started with small conversations with women friends and church members about the value of creating a vision board.  Well that's not completely true.  It was prompted in part by a relationship gone wrong, but more about that later.  Anyway, whenever I would mention the idea of creating a vision board and a vision board party nearly everyone I talked with was excited and commented about needing some vision in her life.  A couple weekends ago a friend and I hosted a vision board party.  It was a great experience.  About 12 -14 women came out and we flexed our creativity over wine, snacks and dessert.  Everyone seemed to leave better than when she arrived.  However, the biggest surprise is what manifested on my vision board.

Before I started work on my vision board, I knew I would include images that represented a greater spiritual life; a healthy and strong body; greater organization and time management; graduation and a job I'm passionate about; more travel, adoption and relationships.  I didn't know I wanted to get married in 18 months.  That reality emerged as I collected magazine pictures and images that spoke to me.  Mmph!  What to do with this?  How do I make this happen?  All my other goals that were depicted on the vision board seemed doable, but this one was taking me out of my comfort zone.  I knew for this to happen, I would need to take action and make myself vulnerable to a certain know do things like chronicle my experiences in a blog, reveal my intent to friends and speak my real and authentic truth.  That brings me to this blog - 18 Months to the Altar.

This blog is my attempt to hold myself accountable and for anyone else who happens to read it to join me in making sure I stay on track.