Monday, March 14, 2011

The Law of Attraction

Over the last two weeks, I have received constant reminders that I am loved and cared about. I had lost sight of this because I have been so focused on what is lacking in my life and not on the abundance in my life. First, my cousin is coming for a long weekend visit. He only sees me during the Christmas holidays and wants to spend quality time with me. Next, a classmate from high school wrote to me " are such an intelligent beautiful gift... I am honored to be able to say "hey,I know her" Thank You, Beautiful. " Then an unexpected Fed Ex package arrived. It contained a Chuck Brown 2-disc DVD set, a DVD of Prince videos from 1979 and a DVD of the Prince and The Time concert that took place in Houston in 1982. Also, another friend regularly sends me texts to ask about my day, check in on me and to let me know he's thinking of me When he asks about my day, he genuinely wants to know. He's never satisfied with just a "good" or "great." One of my oldest and dearest friends visits from time to time with his wife and kids. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding. When he comes to visit, he laughs out loud because he has me all to himself and doesn't have to share me with our other friends (other than his wife). I haven't had to convince any of these folks that I am lovable, that I am worthy or that I matter. They have shown up and shown out. I have to wonder what have I sent out into the Universe to deserve such wonderful friends. On the other hand, I have to wonder what have I sent out into the Universe that I have not been successful in my more intimate relationships.

This past week, I've been reading "The Soulmate Secret." It is written by Arielle Ford and is based on beliefs anchored by the Law of Attraction. Once again, my new age-y friend has me taking in this stuff that I just find so far fetched. She keeps reminding me of her success and I'm compelled to give it a shot. I have to admit that she may be onto something. The Law of Attraction or LOA suggests that our inner thoughts can shape our physical reality. I agree - to a point. I'm certain the folks in Japan would disagree their inner thoughts have shaped their current physical reality. We must be wary of blaming the victim. For me, the optimum way of approaching this is to take what works for me and leave the rest on the table. In case you aren't convinced, I'm sharing some chapter titles that might arouse your curiosity: Belief; Unhooking the Past; Taking Action; and Are You Ready for Big Love. I found these extremely helpful. After reading these chapters I considered the following: do I have time to incorporate another person into my life as I pursue a PhD and work full-time; am I holding onto an old love or past hurts and circumstances that are shaping my current reality and choices; how do I envision my life; and do I believe I'm worthy of the love I say I want or am I going to settle - again. All good questions and deserving of some contemplation. I think we should all examine what vibrations and energies we are sending out into the Universe and not only consider personal relationships, but all relationships including professional, familial, financial, etc.   The author offers some exercises for uncovering some of these hidden truths. I think many are symbolic, but will be revealing and cathartic when I get around to them. Speaking of settling....

I was scheduled to go on a date this weekend. Very attractive man, nice guy, great conversationalist and highly recommended by a mutual friend. I had planned to meet him for dinner, but then cancelled. I know what you're thinking. What? Why? The man has four children - one his biological child and the others are the children of his ex and another man. He's caring for these children while she is deployed to Afghanistan. Admirable to say the least, but too complicated for me. I do not want to take on a ready-made family of six or maybe seven (him, four kids, an ex and her ex). I have not excluded men with children from my dating pool, but I object to dating and marrying a man with some other people's children. I have to wonder where is their father and why has he consented to allow this man to care for them. I do want my own children (biological or adopted) but what might this family situation mean for my resources, future children or family dynamics.  I do think it's important to get out there and meet new people, but I don't think it prudent to waste my or anyone else's time.  There is no future in being dishonest with myself about what I want and potentially settling just to say I have a man.
in reference to: Home | Daily Word (view on Google Sidewiki)
The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I Need a Man!

My cousin, who has turned into my biggest supporter, has provided me with a ton of information and resources as I march along this path of 18 months to the altar. He shared this blog post from "Champagne Social" with me and I thought it was quite appropriate. Kudos to the author, Patron and Pineapple.

In this post, the author let's the world know that yes, she needs a man and so do the rest of us. I agree. She comments that us contemporary women don't need a man for the material needs and wants in life, but we most certainly do for those so very intangible needs that require a man's touch - to be our rock, biggest supoorter, shoulder to lean on, best friend, head of the household, role model to our sons and daughters, lovers of black women and community leaders. Amen! She also argues that our generation has eliminated the need for "this" man and not given him the space to do his thing. Once again, I agree. On the other hand, I think we need to take the argument a step further. We need to consider our fears.

I would suggest that not only has "this" man not been given the space to do his thing, I think we're scared. At least I am. I am scared to death of what it would mean to make myself this transparent, this vulnerable to another person. Would I be rejected, ignored or disappointed. These fears have kept me paralyzed. I've mentioned an "old love" in a previous post and have to wonder if my timidity and fear were partly responsible for our lack of suceess. I think so. What to do, what to do?

It may be too late for the "old love", but it's not too late for a new one. If my intent to make it to the altar in 18 months is to be realized, I can't let the fear hold me back. I've got to break down the walls, throw out the defenses and give my potential groom full access.
in reference to: I Need a Man! « The Champagne Social (view on Google Sidewiki)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Do Something

I had hoped that I'd be able to write that I've made some progress on the dating scene, but no go.  I've been side-tracked by mid-terms, presentations, conferences and providing a much needed hand to dear friends during a crisis.  As a result, I've not been giving myself much attention and lost some focus over the last couple weeks.  The first to go was my quiet time with God.  Not good.  Because I wasn't talking and sharing with God, fear and doubt were able to creep in.  Fear that I'd always be alone and doubt about the wisdom of undertaking such a thing as making it to the altar in 18 months.  You see, I'm neither an eternal optimist nor a suffering pessimist.  Those are both extremes which can lead to some not so wise choices.  I prefer balance to operating in euphoric delusion or self-fulfilling doom and gloom.  Fortunately, for me it's Spring Break and I've been able to take a deep breath, re-group and reclaim some of my quiet time.  "Give us this day our daily bread."  I offered God a prayer of trust. I let God know that I have some things going on and needed help staying on track.  I asked for strengthening of my faith, help managing my emotions, doubts and insecurities as well as my academic and professional worries.  Usually this prayer is only a part of my quiet time, but today it became the most important part. I've decided to be a  warrior and step out on faith.

Do something!  I decided that an integral part of this endeavor would be to try something new every month.  The logic being that by stepping away from my comfort zone I would perhaps expand my social networks and meet some new people.  Well, I decided to try rock climbing.  Had a great time, got lots of exercise and had plenty of laughs.  The problem is that I went at the wrong time.  Apparently, I was there during family hour.  No single gentlemen to be found; only mommies, daddies and children's birthday parties.  Oh well, maybe next time.  On the other hand, the outing did remind me that my future groom must love kids, which is one of the qualities I listed in my petition to the guardian angels of my soul-mate.

Writing a letter to the guardian angels of your soul-mate might sound a little new age-y.  I thought the same thing when my very good friend suggested it to me.  She reminded me that I couldn't argue with success.  She had done this very thing and met her soul-mate a year to the date of writing the letter.  They are now married and raising a family together.  Encouraged,  I wrote my letter to God's foot soldiers.  Even more important, by writing the letter I was able to clarify for myself what it is that I WANTED in a partner, not what I didn't want.  Here's the list.  The qualities here are in no particular order:
1.      I want him to be sweet to me
2.      I want to be a priority in his life
3.      I want him to be my biggest cheerleader and one of the most important parts of my support system
4.      I want him to own our relationship and treat it like it is gold, silver and tickets to the Superbowl
5.      I want him to be attentive
6.      I want him to be able to express himself and not solve problems by walking away and reappearing when he feels the coast is clear
7.      I want him to be assured and confident – in a general sense
8.      I want him to be willing to take chances with me – emotionally, with our family and be adventurous
9.      I want him to be honest AND truthful; no committing omissions
10.  I want him to be ethical and have a personality built upon values similar to mine
11.  I want him to be compassionate, show grace and tolerance
12.  I want him to be physically compatible – sexually
13.  I want him to be open to all channels and avenues for making our love, life and family better
14.  I want him to be steadfast and never give up
15.  I want him to be financially secure and astute; know when to seek guidance
16.  I want him to make efforts to let me know I am special, that he is interested in me and that I am important to him
17.  I want him to have goals and objectives
18.  I want him to love having a good time
19.  I want him to be proud to be with me and be able to point and say she’s with me, she’s mine
20.  I want him to marry me
21.  I want him to respect me
22.  I want us to spend quality time together
23.  I want him to work with me to create a life together where we feel secure and safe with one another
24.  I want us to create a “village” that loves, supports and will safeguard us.  I want us to be that for others in our “village”
25.  I want him to always be willing to try
26.  I want him to be a spiritual man who knows there is something greater than himself; I want him to be awed by the ocean and nature
      27. I want him to be so comfortable with himself that who I am is no threat
      28. I want him to be fit, not super-model fine, but fit

In case you're interested in writing your own letter to the guardian angels of your soul-mate, the template I followed is below - start, body and conclusion.  This is great for those who are single and looking, married and wanting to maintain their relationship or those in a relationship looking to shake it up a little bit. 
Dear Guardian Angels of My Soul Mate,
Then, pour out your heart to these angels in the body of the letter. It doesn’t matter whether you know who your soul mate is, because the angels do. Then conclude the letter by saying something like:
I know that my soul mate is looking for me with the same fervor as I am looking for him/her. Thank you for guiding us to meet, love, and experience a joyful and harmonious relationship based upon mutual respect, integrity, shared interests, and passionate romance. Thank you for clearly guiding me in ways that I can easily understand so that I may enjoy this relationship now.

One last word, be careful what you ask for.  You will be and should be asked to bring the same to the table.