Sunday, March 6, 2011

I Need a Man!

My cousin, who has turned into my biggest supporter, has provided me with a ton of information and resources as I march along this path of 18 months to the altar. He shared this blog post from "Champagne Social" with me and I thought it was quite appropriate. Kudos to the author, Patron and Pineapple.

In this post, the author let's the world know that yes, she needs a man and so do the rest of us. I agree. She comments that us contemporary women don't need a man for the material needs and wants in life, but we most certainly do for those so very intangible needs that require a man's touch - to be our rock, biggest supoorter, shoulder to lean on, best friend, head of the household, role model to our sons and daughters, lovers of black women and community leaders. Amen! She also argues that our generation has eliminated the need for "this" man and not given him the space to do his thing. Once again, I agree. On the other hand, I think we need to take the argument a step further. We need to consider our fears.

I would suggest that not only has "this" man not been given the space to do his thing, I think we're scared. At least I am. I am scared to death of what it would mean to make myself this transparent, this vulnerable to another person. Would I be rejected, ignored or disappointed. These fears have kept me paralyzed. I've mentioned an "old love" in a previous post and have to wonder if my timidity and fear were partly responsible for our lack of suceess. I think so. What to do, what to do?

It may be too late for the "old love", but it's not too late for a new one. If my intent to make it to the altar in 18 months is to be realized, I can't let the fear hold me back. I've got to break down the walls, throw out the defenses and give my potential groom full access.
in reference to: I Need a Man! « The Champagne Social (view on Google Sidewiki)


  1. How do we, as strong black women, reconcile the "need" for a man to be the head of our household, yet expect him to be supportive of us taking the world by storm? How do we reconcile wanting to be our ownselves, yet put someone else (who doesnt' even share our gender DNA)in charge of our ultimate final say? I mean, what are we really asking for here? These are questions to really consider. I'm sure we'll all say "I'm not asking or expecting anyone to be the boss of me!" :-) Yet, in MAN-SPEAK, what ARE we saying? I really want to know. You women out there who have really close guy friends... tell me. What do THEY hear when we say, I want a man to be supportive, but to remember that I can support myself?

  2. I'm really not struggling with that. Luckily, I have been surrounded by some great examples. My grandfather and grandmother had this type of relationship as did my step-father and his wife. Still, the question is how do we navigate this in 2011. My best friend and his wife as well as two very close friends in Atlanta did and do operate in this way. From the outside looking in it seemed to work like this. The husbands act as head of household and their wives are in a role that I call Chief Operating Officer. No decision is final until it has the COO's stamp of approval. Also, there appears to be an absence of ego. In all cases, the husbands were as invested if not more so in the success of their wives. I have to admit that I have consciously surrounded myself with these types of couples so that I have a balance with what I have seen and experienced. By maintaining my relationships with these, in my opinion, successful couples I feel like I'm running with the big dogs. Instead of spending my time in the company of couples that don't prject an image that I aspire to, I'm continually encouraged to shoot for higher.